Friday, August 8, 2014

A little joy in a lot of stress

I would be half lying if I only posted the good things and never talked about when I am struggling.

My shoulders are balled up with stress.  This is what's on my mind:

My hands and feet are going numb for hours at a time.... right before I run my first relay race (more on that).  My doctor appointment is Aug. 15th.

I leave for camping on Aug 17th.  With two small children.... for several days.  Without my husband (who is at a new job).  What the heck do I pack for camping?  I realize now how much I rely on my husband for this kind of thing.  

Our gracious landlady has informed us to start looking for a new house to live in as soon as possible because she will be preparing to put her house on the market.  (Though this wasn't our official 30 days notice).

I run Hood To Coast on Aug 22-23.  I have never left my kids for more than a few hours.  This is going to be a huge thing for me....  I'm scared.  I'm still breastfeeding Squeakers in the evening, so this will be different.  I leave her with a friend at the beach on Wed.  Pack the vans on Thurs and run Fri and Sat.  I'll see her again Sat. night.

A dear friend of mine just went through a terrible medical emergency.  It didn't go well.  I am devastated for her.  I can't even begin to narrate the feelings in my heart for her and her family.

I am searching for a new place to live.
I am writing out my camping packing list, purging junk and getting ready to downsize.
I'm looking over running gear and trying to figure out what to pack and sort gear for each van.
I'm the team captain so I'm trying to get people the information about legs and other questions they have and help them feel confident, comfortable and relaxed.
I am excited to be asked to join the Run Oregon blog for a trial period to see how it goes.  They are an amazing group of people with a well informed blog on all things running in the Oregon and Southwest Washington area.  I feel like a little kid graduating to the big kid table.

And through all of this...  I am happy.  I am.  Okay, I cry a lot for my friend and I worry about camping and leaving my kids.  But in a way this relay race will be a small escape from reality for a couple days.

Then I got the mail today.  I sort of forgot through all of this that I had purchased a livingsocial deal for a photo collage blanket.

There was stress with that because the terra drive with every photo ever taken in the last 9 years was destroyed.  Squeakers was running, tripped on an ill placed cord and it went crashing to the ground.  The company we sent it to can not recover the info on it.  Hopefully we can find someone who can save it.

Anyway so grainy facebook pics and low res phone photos have been sent to me and I treasure each and every one of them.  I sent them in to for my photo blanket and I got this:

Isn't it amazing?!
Bugaboo has to help me hold it up... it's that big.  The theme is running and my family.  My first race (5k) ever and nursing Bugaboo at the finish line.   My second race (5k) a year and a half later and nursing Squeakers at the finish.  My first half marathon with my kids under the big black umbrella to cheer me in the typhoon.  Their first kids' dashes and their first race medals.  Running in costume together, doing color runs together....

Photos carry a lot of meaning to me and I can't believe they are gone, but I won't lose hope that they can't be recovered someday.

I won't lose hope that my friend and her family will heal emotionally from this devastating time.

I will keep my hope strong that I can camp with my kids, be independent have fun and stay sane.

I know I will walk into Hood To Coast exhausted from the camp trip but I know it will still be fun.  I hope to keep my tears at bay so that it is fun for me teammates as well.

This blanket came in the mail just at the right time.  I look at it and think of the example I am now to my kids.  How they enjoy running and doing races as much as I do.

I look at it and smile.  Life is complicated, difficult, beautiful and good.  It's all good.

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